Friday, September 10, 2010

Blue Cords, Graduations, and Separation Anxiety...

This has been a long, crazy week.  The Hubs had his Blue Cord Ceremony on Tuesday night.  This was supposed to be a pretty special ceremony, as they were all considered 'special' enough to now wear the blue infantry cord with their dress uniforms.  I brought my camera, hoping to get some good pictures of him getting his cord, along with some of him & his buddies.  Only problem was, his platoon was in the least photographable spot (right next to where the families were standing, instead of across from) so the one picture I got of him getting his cord was the back/side of his head, along with a bunch of other heads...  Not so exciting.  The ceremony was followed by a dinner...  Pretty lame dinner, since the cost was $25 per person, there was no dessert, no music, and no entertainment.  We did have a decent time with the people at our table.  Besides, it was somewhat fun to get extra dressed up, even though we didn't get any pictures with our camera, a few people at our table were kind enough to offer to take some and email them to us.

Yesterday afternoon was the actual IBOLC (Infantry Basic Officer Leadership Course) graduation.  It was very similar to a high school or college graduation... meaning a speaker or two, then about 150 guys had their names called one-by-one, the audience was told where their next duty station was, they walked across the stage, shook a few hands, walked back to their seats, waited until everyone was done, and it was over.  I actually brought my camera, again, but due to a sick, sleeping Little Sister in my arms, wasn't able to take any photos during the ceremony.  Once again, thank goodness for good friends who took some for us!  There was a reception after the ceremony that we went to, and once again, I was hopeful to get at least a few pictures of The Hubs with the guys he'd spent almost every waking (and most sleeping too) moment with for the past 16 weeks, but alas, nothing.  Serious bummer.  At least they've gotten some good shots out in the field. 

Today, The Hubs worked a few hours in the morning and a few in the afternoon, trying to get everything ready for his next training - Ranger School.  We've already spent hundreds (I mean, in the region of 7+) of dollars on everything that he needs, and there is still more that he didn't get, but couldn't find anywhere.  Ranger school is a pretty hardcore training, with three phases of about three weeks each.  Between each phase the guys get a break of 8 hours, and since the first phase (Darby) is here on Fort Benning, they'll be able to come home...  But between Mountain and Florida phases, the most they'll get is a phone call home.  If they get a no go (i.e. fail) for a phase, they have to repeat it until they either get dropped from the course, or they pass it. 

I've got very mixed emotions about this training.  On the one hand, I guess it will give me a glimpse into what a deployment will be like, and will hopefully make us both appreciate each other more when we're together.  Right at this moment, I'm pretty irritated with him, so I say I don't care that he's leaving, but I'm sure that tomorrow, our last day together, will make me feel differently.  Or not.  I'm really bad about picking fights just before separations, mostly because I feel that if I'm angry at him, it will make me hurt less and make me miss him less.  So not the case, and I know it, but when have I ever claimed to think logically?

I'm most worried about how the kids will handle the separation - especially Big Brother.  While The Hubs was in IBOLC, he was home almost every weekend, and Big Brother would act out the day he left...  Then when he'd get home, both kids would follow Daddy around like dogs, crying when he'd go to the bathroom or leave the room, and especially when he'd go to work.  We'd have to explain to Big Brother that Daddy would be home that day, for lunch, for dinner, whatever would help him calm down.  But this isn't going to be for just 3 or 4 nights... It's going to be for 62 (as long as he doesn't have to recycle!), and that's going to be a lot harder to handle.  At least the kids and I will be going back to Vegas, Utah & Colorado to visit family & friends... mostly to break up the alone-time and hopefully help them cope a bit. 

I'm not worried about being home alone.  We live on post, which gives me some sense of security.  My biggest worry is that I won't sleep enough.  When The Hubs is gone, I tend to stay awake way later than I should, and I have to get up when the kids do, usually giving me about 2-5 hours of sleep a night.  Sometimes I feel like I function better with less sleep, but only for a while until it really catches up with me and I turn into a raving lunatic.  At least I haven't really experienced noticable side effects from the Lupron yet, other than increased pain, but that was expected... but that's another post.

I just needed to vent my worries, frustrations, and feelings about this upcoming separation.  I'm sure my tune will be changing VERY soon, and you'll hear all about that.  But for now, I'm ok with it.

1 comment:

JG said...

Yeah, we didn't get any pictures together yesterday. Well, one guy took a pic of the two of us, but he's one of the foreign students and not on facebook, so I'll probably never see it. So I feel your pain. I hope the pictures you did get worked out okay. Better than absolutely nothing.

I know it's not the same, but you are not alone here. And I KNOW you won't be the only one not sleeping, especially the first few weeks when the guys aren't coming home every weekend and everybody gets their "reset" so to speak.

I'll be praying for you and the kiddos. Already am. Love ya, girl!