Wednesday, November 3, 2010

i'm back... a little crazy, but better.

I know it's been forever since I've posted anything. 

A few weeks ago, I had a pretty dramatic few days, followed by a few more and less dramatic weeks.

One night, I decided that I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up, so I took an exorbitant amount of prescription pills and took a bath.  

Luckily, I woke up in the morning, and surprisingly, felt fine.  I bathed myself and my kids, got ready, and got in the car to head to a friend's house for the day.  About 4 houses up, I leaned over to get Little Sister's binkie off the floor, and hit a parked car.  (our streets are super narrow, and people park on both sides, leaving literally enough room for one car to drive at a time.)  Unluckily for me, the car belonged to the visiting parents of an MP.  Of course, he was first on the scene, and NOT friendly.  I can think of plenty of words to describe his attitude towards me, none nice, but I'll spare you my real thoughts. 

 Basically, when I get into car accidents, I go into shock.  I'm pretty much non responsive, and lose all sense of what's going on.  They took this as me being under the influence, and I (stupidly, might i add) told them what had happened the day before.  I ended up getting wreckless driving and dui tickets. 

They took me to the hospital where I was admitted overnight.  They pumped me full of fluids (I gained 16lbs, and it was gone 5 days later), drew tons of blood, and the next morning I was released to go to an outpatient psych program.

When I got to the Psych hospital, they decided to keep me in the inpatient program, which was hell.  5 days of it.  5 days of group therapy, personal therapy with a psychologist AND a psychiatrist. I met some really sweet people there - people who were going through the same things as me, people who understood how I felt and why I didn't 'just call someone'.  

When I was released, I had to go to a 'day program', which was the same stuff - group therapy - from 8-4, Monday-Friday.  I was there for a week and a few days, and hated every minute of it.  

Since I've been home, things are looking better.  I'm on a few new meds, and I've figured out new ways to deal with my stress and anxiety.  I made some great friends, which makes it seem better, but I will never go back... it was hell!  I felt like I was stuck in a bad version of 'Girl, Interrupted', only without Angelina & Winona.  

So that's where I've been.  

I have been spending lots more time with my kids, ignoring the housework that should be done, but isn't nearly as important as my babies.  They need me more than the house needs to be perfect.  The Hubs & I have been having a rocky bit, just because of stress, but things are still good there, and will keep getting better. 

The psychiatrist  I was seeing, in the beginning diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder, but at my discharge, changed it to Mood Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, because she said she hadn't spent enough time with me...  She said the one I'll see in Colorado (after we PCS... another EXCITING post!) will be able to nail down a diagnosis since I'll have more time with him/her.  I think she was pretty right on with the original diagnosis.  The descriptions of those disorders fit me perfectly... anyway... That's my life!


hmb said...

Hey there, hope you are feeling much better these days :) Blogging when I'm down always makes me feel better, hopefully it helped you, too!

Jaymi said...

Hey Girly, I know we only talk online, but I'm here for you if you ever need me:) Did any of this have to do with the Lupron? Are you still on it? I'm sorry you've had a rough time, but soon you'll be by family, and I think can family help so much.

Cassandra said...

Uh.. I'm pretty damn happy for the Bradley Center..

Your one awesome roomate, and I hope we get to be at Carson together.

Love you and I am going to miss the hell out of you!

(But for the time being I'm putting my shoes on and packing up my car to head to your house with packing materials...)

Love you Biatch <3